Sunday, April 13, 2014

Fit to dream!

I would like to believe with all my heart that the world we live in does not judge one by their physical appearances.. But unfortunately that simply isn't the case.  First impressions, second impressions, third impressions, our eyes judge faster than our hearts. Having been the fat girl for most of my life, I have experienced mixed treatments. My friends who never judged me even though I was fat and the bullies who would never stop teasing me about my weight. Many years ago I had long accepted the fact that I was going to be fat, my mum even told me once that she too had already accepted the fact that her child was going to be a fat child.

Even from primary school, we were essentially taught that being fat was wrong. We had regular weight and height check ups (which I dreaded all the time) and they were usually done in the presence of the other students in the same room. I remember once when this girl literally waited until I did my weigh in, and eavesdropped when the teacher recorded my weight and then announced it to the other classmates. I can still remember that day (and her name) because I was so annoyed, so frustrated and so hurt. 

I remember the time when I was made to do skipping exercises 10mins before recess (which was kinda okay because I got to leave class early for that haha), also the time when I was sent to specialised check ups for overweight kids. I remember always being worried about coming last in every single sporting event and the embarrassment when I did. I remember the teacher lowering the bar for me during my pull ups test just so I can pass my physical examination. I remember never fitting into any of the clothes I wanted to buy and the times when I ended up having to buy maternity clothes. I remember liking guys and knowing that I did not stand a chance with them because I was fat. I remember people always comparing themselves to me.. 'Oh no, Rachel's lost some weight, I better start losing weight too or else I'd be fatter than her' (true story). Life literally revolved around me being fat. I was limited in every single way. And for the people who never said a word about it, I know they have probably at least 'thought' about it. Being fat really was such a pain, a damn obstacle that kept me from doing the things I wanted to do. I didn't understand why couldn't I have just been born skinny, like everyone else. Why did I have to be born the way I did?

probably around 88kg here..

Everything became a little bit better when I lost some weight. I was a happier person in general. I could fit into clothes that I tried and didn't have to worry about a particular design not having my size. I became a much more confident person. Guys started to like me which was strange.. Though I had lost some weight, I was still considered as a bigger girl as compared to other girls. Yes, things got better, but after a while, as time passed, I became depressed about my weight again.

My weight fluctuated a lot ever since. I've rebounded many times. And yes, I am very much an emotional eater, when I'm sad, I'd eat, and after eating I'd feel even worse. And the cycle goes on. I became so obsessed about dieting, I've starved, I've gagged, I've tried all sorts of ridiculous diets and yes I did lose the weight in the end. But thinking back now, it probably wasn't the healthiest way of doing things.

Many years since I stopped taking dieting seriously, today, once again, I am giving my best shot in reaching the weight that I've wanted to be since forever. Instead of telling me 'Rachel, you don't need to lose weight, you're fine', I'd rather you support me in this. 
I am not doing it for you, I am doing it for me, so that I can be happy with myself, my body once and for all.

Recently, I've read many posts and comments about people saying that being 'fat' is okay. Of course it's okay!
As long as YOU are happy with yourself. 

For me, I wasn't happy with myself, and therefore being fat wasn't okay. I'm not saying that being fat is bad, I am only saying that I myself hated being fat and have now decided once and for all to cut the crap and change myself. And I feel great about it. I want all who feel the same to really think about this and to make the decision to change themselves if they feel the same as I do.

One thing straight, do it for yourself and not anyone else.
You are your own motivation.

If you recognise that you have a weight problem, and YOU are happy with yourself, then that's fine. But if even YOU yourself cannot rid the thought of wanting to be skinny, then stop the denial, stop saying it's impossible, stop complaining about how hard it is because mate, life is hard.

Just make the decision, cut the crap and do it!

(by the way, I will post another comparison picture once I've reached my goal weight!)


  1. Wow Rei.. I almost started crying while reading this post.. because I already convinced that is impossible for me to go back to one year ago.. when I work hard to lose weight and I succeded.. At that time I didn't apriciate myself enought.. well I still don't.. I'm ugly and I will be even when I lose weight.. But I want to at least feel healthy and a bit happy.. I'm not asking for too much.. And you today... You motivated me so much! Thank you Reachel.. Really thank you from bottom of my heart <3 !! Please do your best and keep being as awsome as you are now^^

  2. Well said ! :)
    Everything you do is your choice to make, if you want to do something then just do it. Whatever others may say, it's your own life ; and your life is defined by what you are willing to fight for, what you are willing to sacrifice to reach your goal. You shouldn't be concern with what people say about you, be proud of yourself. Fight for what you believe, and do not give up !
    Life sure is hard, the world full of injustices and incredibly twisted but believe that you can change yourself if you want to, believe that you can take action.
    And when you feel that things cannot be worse, when you keep falling, just get up and never ever give up. Giving up is being weak, and I know that every single person in here is not weak, you are strong and if you keep on fighting, I believe that one day, this will be your day.
    Be strong Rachel ! With all my love and support <3

  3. Dear Rachel,

    You're right! I have tried so many diet and i ended up so depress, eat then diet then overeats again, and i ended up hating myself for always not succeeding and thinking it 's not possible and after seeing your article you just reminded me back the motivation I've once had and I really want to start living the life I want and feel good about myself finally having something that I could accomplish! Your will power is amazing! You can definitely do it and I am going to look you as my role model as nothing is impossible! :) and I really should stop eating so much junk food when I'm sad. By the way, You are a wonderful singer and I look forward for your more articles! :D

  4. Go rachel go!!! がんばって!^__^

    I'm supporting you every step of the way! And I'm so so so sorry that you had to go through so much pain from others taunting you about your weight. I am incredibly proud of you <3

    It's not easy, trying to lose a whole lot of weight, and you've come so far!, and the fact you're still pushing yourself to keep going is amazing & you are definitely inspirational ^^

    Did you know you motivated me to lose weight? :) I used to weigh 88 kg too! But now I'm at 67 kg - a weight healthy for my height now. So I also wanted to say thank you!

    I know this may not mean much, but you really are beautiful.

    And one last thing - I read this quote whenever I feel down, and I hope it can help you feel better when life seems rough (love ya rachel ^__^) :
    ❝If you constantly compare yourself to other people,
    you will only let yourself fall into a deep hole.
    And the only way you can climb out
    is knowing your own worth.
    I’ve always been told that there is bound to be
    someone “better” than me,
    smarter than me,
    and someone prettier than me
    but don’t let that cheapen you.
    Stop telling yourself there are others who sing better,
    who write better,
    who dance better;
    because at the end of the day
    that is not relevant.
    What is important is the way you view yourself.
    No one will tell you what you deserve
    if you do not make it known.
    No one will give it to you
    unless you ask and work for it.
    Don’t compliment someone else to bring yourself down.
    Do not do that.
    You are an individual and comparing yourself to someone else will eat you up on the inside.
    Stop thinking about what others can do,
    and focus on what you can do.
    Keep going even when you think the world is telling you to stop.
    Keep breathing when you have run out of breaths to take.
    And keep dreaming
    even if they seem impossible at times.
    Believe in yourself and never settle,
    know what you deserve and go get it.
    Don’t tell yourself you do not derserve something.
    You always deserve more than you make yourself believe.❞
    — Ming D. Liu, Things I Remind Myself

  5. I just read this and I thought I was reading about myself... I still am struggling with losing weight, and I hate it. I just want to do it, to lose this weight and I always fail. I'm tired of it. Reading your story makes me want to try hard. I wish my thoughts were focused on this all the time, because it would really help me to reach my goals. I support you all the way, and thanks for sharing your story! I'm gonna try even harder from this very moment. :)

  6. Hi Rachel:
    I want to comment a few things on your post:
    1. Absolutely well-written and motivating
    2. Surprising and yet adorable pictures from your past. I genuinely love them.
    3. Fit to Dream? Awesome title!
    4. You were shocked about guys liking you after you have lost some pounds? Man, it is not that surprising, haha! Because from what I feel and know about you, you are a very charming and spirited big sister I look up to! And Everything that is in your vibe, is just stunning and attractive. I believe that people with good personality are beautiful. Plus, you genetically have great physical features (>.<) I am actually jealous of you, Hehe!
    5. "As long as you are happy with yourself" :) That is my motto!
    6.I love you as a fan from the internet and I would love to see you one day! You are always smiling and energetic on camera, which is what I like about you the most. You don't let others to kill your vibe, instead you expand your atmosphere to everyone, even under some depressing circumstances. You are unbeatable and original. You are being you. I love you and I just want to say... I really need to see you one day! :)

  7. I can't wait for your update! ^^
    Do you ever look back and feel proud of yourself that you did it? That you've lost weight and became happy with yourself?

    I personally, am struggling with my weight. I'm not overweight but I'm reaching there. (I'm currently 148lb even though the healthy zone for my age and height is 120-130)
    After reading your blog, I realized, yes. Yes that I'm not happy with my weight and I can't and shouldn't keep denying I will never shed off the weight. Thank you for motivating me and I will try my hardest from now on to reach my weight goal.

  8. Rachel I started watching your vlog on youtube a few days ago about your exchange trip to Japanese high school and at first I thought that you are so lucky because you're so pretty, lovely and happy, every guys must like a girl like you. Now when I read this I was little suprised, you know because I used to be overweight and now still am. But I felt so happy when I watched your vlog and forgot about all the sadness in my life. You know sometimes we ourselves think that something is a problem but actually people around us don't think so , it's like I think you looked totally okey and pretty when you were in japanese high school but you yourself might have thought that you were fat ( that's what you wrote, not what I think). But Rachel, you are my inspriration, you have brought me happiness and make my life more enjoyable, keep on good work and always stay happy as you have always been. Keep your eyes forward to see the beauty of the world around and stop looking at your own self, cuz you've already so pretty. :D I love you:D