- ずっと友達やと思ってた友達に拒絶された
- ギターシールドを京都でライブした時忘れたって電話が来た
- 着払いで送ってもらったけど、お金がもったいない
- レコーディングで失敗した
- せっかくカメラを持っていたのに、何も撮らなかった
- データを保存しようとしたとき、USBが壊れた
- バカみたいに泣いてしまった
- 変な人から変なメールが来た
- 今日のカロリー摂取量はオーバーしてる
- ジムにも行ってない
- 家に帰ったら、やっぱレコーディングしたものに不満
- しっかりきいたら、自分が弾いたギターのパートも気持ち悪い
I really hate showing my weak side, I hate being depressing, I hate being negative, I hate complaining, I hate swearing but today, I am everything I hate, so please forgive me.
My mindset is not in the right place at the moment. I don't feel good about myself, I don't feel good about my music, I don't feel good about anything at the moment.
Today I went to class, and my guy friends told me that I needed to make more girl friends.. and when I thought about it, I realised I barely had any girl friends.. which to me isn't a big problem but they said that it is a problem if you're in Japan because some guys will think horrid of you if you hang with only guys. I thought I was close with them, but they told me that I'm actually not as close as I think I am with them.. which was a shock to me.. but I guess I always tend to think one sided-ly..
Left my guitar cable in Kyoto when I had a performance there.. now it's a waste of money to get it sent back to me.. I don't like blaming people but this time, the reason why I left it there was because of the staff.. she detached me at the wrong end and left my cable there while the other performances were going on and I couldn't get it back..
Had a recording today, and I wanted to throw up listening to my playback.. it was terrible
Brought all my filming equipment along but didn't get to film anything today.. sigh
USB fucked up while I was trying to save my recording data and all my shit got deleted.
Then I cried. I hate crying. But everything was gone.
Then some weird messed up stalker dude sent me a rude picture of himself.. I've tried deleting and blocking him a million times but the messages are still coming and I'm about to go insane.
Thought I'd feel better with some food.. but I overate and felt worse.
Then I skipped gym because I overate already anyway.
Went home, listened to my recording.. wanted to throw up again from listening to the playback.
どうやって元気出せるの？
最近ほんまに嫌なことばかり
それを考えたらいまなんかまた泣きたくなってしまった
弱い自分が嫌い
でも落ち込むことがあるからこそ強くなれる
つよくなりたい
つよくなりたい
つよくなりたい
ふぁーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー*
Rei, I know how you must be feeling. I'm going trough something similar at the moment. I wish I had a great advise to give you, or some words that would make you feel better, unfortunately all I can think about is that the only thing to do is to keep moving forward, even with this feelings. Your videos always help me feel better, I wish I could be more like you. You have accomplished so much already! I feel I have lost all my motivation, and that my goals are so far from my reach, but being negative won't help (though sometimes I can't help being like that). I have said to myself the same words you wrote here "つよくなりたい" and although I don't really now how to do that yet, let's work harder from now on!
ReplyDelete元気出して！レイちゃんならきっと大丈夫よ！
ReplyDeleteYou can turn how you're feeling into a song! You can do Metal under a new persona, Black Tummy
ReplyDeleteRei, I know this is a bit late but, I'd like to let you know you're NOT alone! These days I have also been feeling equally as shitty. I've especially been experiencing a lot of pressure. But what doesn't kill us does make us stronger and I know that's cliche but it's true. Don't put yourself down for trying. I mean, it's never perfect at first right? It takes time and a lot of patience to get by, but I know you can do it! I know I can do it! We can both get through the rough times and get something out of it! Just hang in there, it'll definitely be fine in the end! You're not alone! がんばって!
ReplyDeleteHi Rei! I feel the same way, well most days, and I'm sorry that happened to you. But at least you are actually doing something! I'm absolutely doing nothing with my life right now, people tell me I should set my life straight because they say I'm wasting it. I wish we could meet, you seem really nice & cool, especially in your youtube videos. I will be going to Japan too, around this year or the next, and I don't know anybody, so I especially will need girl friends too, because wouldn't it be more fun that way?. We could meet, if you want! , Reply to me here first...we could talk about it. :)
ReplyDeleteDamm you, I envy you xD, I also want to go there, as an a exchange student, are you going by your own resources?
DeleteBy the way, I'm the guy below the comments, the one that says Anonymous.
Rei do you have a twitter?
ReplyDeleteCheers Rei, I watch your videos since a pretty long time ago, you may don't know it, but I'm watching your steps, you're full of energy and youth, you can do it!
ReplyDeleteBy the way, It's the first time I enter this blog, sorry for being late jeje, I hope your okay right now.
Actually, that guy friends issue has been stuck in my mind since you were having the exchange program in Japanese high school. I live in Asia, and the culture is to separate between men and women, gender difference, yes. Maybe in Australia the culture is more open? Sometimes seeing a girl with tons of boys will make other girls hate that girl, thinking that she is a desperate boy-seeker or something, thus the boys will feel uncomfortable with that. But cheer up ! you can make more girl friends !!
ReplyDeletehi Rei! i really do hope this bad day is the only one you have to face for a while.
ReplyDeletei have been a fan of yours ever since your high school exchange vlogs on YouTube, and you have truly been an inspiring person to me. you're a role model for me :D
i've always wanted to go on an exchange program for Japan but i never got to follow that big dream, and now it's pretty much too late since i just started college and the programs i knew of (like AFS) only took in high schoolers.
so watching your videos made me really happy, especially since you looked like you were having an amazing time.
you have an extremely beautiful voice and great musical talent. i remember watching a video of yours, i think the one with your high school sweet heart LOL, and i honestly thought the ending was a song by a famous singer like Yui. then i found out it was by you and i was sooo surprised and impressed. you are absolutely amazing, and i really do hope you know that you are amazing yourself as well.
i'm a musician too, i like singing but i hate my voice so i just stick to playing instruments haha, so i understand your frustrations. but, please know that the music we make that sounds like shit to us may sound amazing to others. sometimes we judge and criticize ourselves too much and we don't realize that we set really high standards for ourselves.
all my life i had mostly guy friends (i didn't realize this until high school, but i hung out with mainly guys because i was quite a "tomboy" since i liked video games, etc, and in America you get categorized as boyish for those things. plus, i didn't like how girls tended to make a lot of drama. guys are so much more fun and relaxing to be around, right? haha :D ) so i also can relate to you in a way. yes, there will be false opinions made by others around you, and yes, people may even call or think of you extremely offensive things like a slut or something, but you know that it is not the truth. i am not sure of what Japanese people think of girls with too many guy friends, so i'm sorry if i can't really help much about this D:
i'm not sure if you'll read this or agree with me on anything i said, but please please please always remember this:
you are an amazing, beautiful, talented, and wonderful girl. you have done what seems to be impossible for some people, and you should always be proud of that. you've been on amazing journeys in another country, and you've accomplished so much in your musical career. you are brave for sharing so much of your life with others, even your difficulties, and you are extremely strong for being able to deal with all the hardships in life that comes with your accomplishments. you are beautiful, even if you don't think so. i think so hehe :D so please don't be too hard on yourself. the days will get better. after all, the whole point of having hard times like these is to make us stronger and more experienced in the near and far future.
you have inspired and motivated me in so many ways, and i will always support you as a way to thank you for all that you've done. maybe you'll never understand how much your worth, but think of yourself as a diamond in a pile of rocks. you're special :D
so keep your head high and keep being awesome! go Rei! <3